About a month before I moved to Barstow, I got fired from my job. And it's been sweet.
I was working at a company that I initially loved. I was hired for an administrative position, and I adored it. I was good at my job and I was increasing the productivity of my entire sales department.
But then my boss pushed me into a sales position. I never wanted to do it. I had no training. But they let me know that I would not be given a raise from my $22,000 a year if I didn't take the promotion. So I did.
I struggled for several months. I built up my connections and I got my pitches down. I gradually started to increase my numbers. It was a fun challenge to try and teach myself the skill of sales. I studied it up in my free time and asked countless questions so that I could learn as much as possible.
And then two things happened.
First, the economy started to go south. My customers stopped returning my calls and the time to close a deal became very long.
Second, they hired someone to be my boss. From the word go he and I didn't click. The first day he came in to meet the company he didn't bother to even say hello to me. That's right, the man that was to be my boss didn't think it was necessary to even introduce himself.
When we next met he asked what my goals were and what I needed help with. I let him know that I needed guidance and help with technique to learn how to sell. He promised to provide me with this.
Well...that never happened. Company meetings became annoying time-wasters that taught me nothing about the art of closing the deal. One-on-one meetings left me feeling like a failure. At one point after I told him I really wanted to be good at my job and I asked for advice, he told me this:
"Well Kendragon, I've always wanted to be a rock star, playing in front of thousands of people. But that's never going to happen. And I've always wanted to play in the NBA, but I'll never be tall enough."
This was my boss' idea of motivation - to tell me that I would never be good at my job. He started giving me impossible goals and reprimanding me constantly. So it was no shocker that I was fired two weeks later.
Needless to say, I was horribly hurt. I had not only never been fired before, but I had never not succeeded at a job before. I pride myself on my ability to learn quickly and become a key member of a company's team. It's my goal to be indispensable. And let's face it, despite my vast efforts and hours of time spent trying to improve, I failed.
This left me very depressed. I began to comfort eat and gained five pounds. If I hadn't had Max in my life to keep me light I surely would have gone completely off the deep end.
Since I have moved out to Barstow I have been working endlessly trying to find a job. I have applied for easily 200 job in around a month. The couple interviews I went on wound up being for horrible scam jobs that would have eventually cost me money.
So basically...it's been frustrating.
But I'm actually happy that I got fired. If it hadn't happened, I would have been stuck working a job I hate just for the paycheck. I never would have come with Max to here, where I actually love living, 100 degree heat or no.
But mostly, I wouldn't have seen that I can survive this kind of massive rejection. I mean I wallowed and became depressed, but overall I've been positive about the situation. I'm pushing to be strong with the situation, and thus far it's working. With my fear of rejection being such a big thing in my life, surviving this massive form of it relatively in tact has been huge.
So oddly I need to thank my former boss. I'm very comfortable in the notion that I will be much happier and successful for the firing having happened. It brought Max and me closer together, and it's forced me to see the sunny side of things.
Pretty good outcome for a shit-storm if you ask me.
No comments:
Post a Comment